A new policy from the Bush
administration on endangered Pacific salmon is startling in its
simplicity and brilliance. The policy cuts through all the
scientific mumbo-jumbo the press repeats and puts a finger on the
basic problem: Salmon are endangered because there aren’t enough of
them. If there were lots of salmon in the rivers, they wouldn’t be
endangered. It just stands to reason.
Fortunately,
there’s a solution all ready to go. The government is currently
spending about $40 million a year on fish hatcheries. That’s right,
these are facilities entirely devoted to raising and releasing
fish. And the best part is that lots of the hatcheries are raising
Pacific salmon. Not only are these hatcheries capable of releasing
millions and millions of salmon into the rivers of the Pacific
Northwest every year, they’re already doing it!
So,
here’s what the federal agency responsible for preserving and
restoring salmon, is going to do (and really, the only mystery is
why it took them so long). The National Marine Fisheries Service is
going to count the hatchery salmon along with the wild salmon when
they figure out how many salmon there are. Violá! Instead of a
few hundred fish in a stream, you’ve got hundreds of thousands.
Nothing endangered about that.
Now, it’s true that there
are those, like the ivory-tower scientists appointed by the agency
to something called the “Salmon Recovery Science Review Panel,” who
have a problem with this solution. They’re obsessed with “habitat,”
with preserving the “unique adaptations” and “complex behavior”
that wild salmon gain by living in the river from the day they were
born. It just goes to show the trouble you can get into when you
ask “experts” for their opinion.
This group took it upon
itself to issue a statement saying, “We know biologically that
hatchery supplements are no substitute for wild fish. The science
is clear and unambiguous: as they are currently operated,
hatcheries and hatchery fish cannot protect wild stocks.” Well,
excuse us, professors, but maybe you didn’t get the memo: This
administration doesn’t do nuance. A fish is a fish is a fish. You
want salmon? We got salmon. You should be thanking federal
bureaucrats, not whining.
And let’s look at the other
side of the equation, shall we? Last time I checked, salmon don’t
vote, and they definitely don’t support the political process
through campaign contributions. Whereas power companies,
agribusiness, the timber industry — they do support the
political process. They’re stakeholders. The thing is, salmon are a
problem for these good folks; or I should say, wild salmon are.
Salmon can be so picky. They need clean, cold water,
which comes out of unlogged watersheds. They don’t do well swimming
with the pesticides and silt in agricultural runoff. They like
natural water flows, which complicate dam operations no end.
All these problem disappear with hatchery salmon. You
feed them, they eat. They can’t make it past dams? Just put the
hatcheries downstream. They need clean, cold water? That’s what
filters and cooling units are for. They don’t breed successfully?
No worries: we take care of that for them; we hatch more fish.
When you get right down to it, the problem with wild
salmon is that they’re not team players. They’re just … out
there. No way to keep them on-message. That is not acceptable. The
American people are spending millions on these creatures and they
have a right to demand accountability.
And what abouts
imple gratitude? I don’t know if you’ve ever visited a fish
hatchery, but I encourage you to do so. Buy a bag of fish chow from
the vending machines, and go over and toss a handful to the baby
salmon in the tank. Those little guys — so pretty —
practically jump out of their skins to get that chow. Now, that’s
gratitude.
So, thank you, President Bush. With your
leadership, we can let the rivers be dammed and still not lose our
salmon; not as long as there are pumps, and tanks and fish chow. At
long last, the day of equality for all salmon is finally here.

