ARIZONA
Paradise Valley, a posh town of 14,500 people in the
Phoenix area, boasts houses that cost more than $20
million, and it’s nothing if not persnickety about urban
necessities such as cell-phone towers. The town’s planning
commission recently ruled that the first tower to be erected must
wear a disguise as a palm tree – and not just any palm tree,
reports the Arizona Republic. The fake must
closely resemble a 45-foot monopalm, with its multiple fronds
hiding the antenna array. What’s more, the company must plant two
real trees – date palms 25 feet tall – next to the impostor,
complete with drip irrigation systems. “Our goal is to make sure we
get the best-looking monopalm on the face of the earth,” said the
planning commission chairman. The Republic’s
story neglected to note that palms of any kind are not native to
Arizona.
CALIFORNIA AND NEW YORK
Many Napa Valley wineries that offer
wine tastings have been forced to get tough on visitors
who pile out of limousines, liquored up and determined to keep the
party hearty. Now, vineyards on the North Fork of Long Island, just
an hour away from New York City, have also moved to end free
tastings and ban bachelorette parties that often turn raucous. Part
of the problem is ignorance of wine-tasting etiquette, reports the
New York Times.Long Island Wine Press, and two suggestions
point up the culture clash: “Do not shout that something’s
disgusting because you don’t happen to like it.” And, “don’t take
the three-ounce pours of wine as if they were shots.”
Dilettantes don’t understand
that roaming from vineyard to vineyard is about exercising the
discriminating abilities of nose and palate, not getting sloshed
for free or – heaven forbid! – tossing tips into the spit bucket.
Hints on how to behave at a winery are featured in the magazine
NEW MEXICO
A 20-year-old
man from Santa Fe was way too forthcoming when a
sheriff’s deputy pulled him over for speeding. “Oops,” Max Shipley
‘fessed up, according to the Santa Fe New
Mexican. “This is my third DWI.” Shipley, who had an open
can of Budweiser in his cup holder, also forgot to remove his seat
belt before trying to get out of the car.
WYOMING
“Idiots with
guns” is one possible headline the Pinedale
Roundup might have chosen for its story about four men
from Sheridan who fired some 90 rifle shots into a large herd of
elk last November. A nearby hunter who heard the barrage of bullets
relayed his concern to game warden Alan Osterland. The warden
investigated and found the hunting camp of the men – two sets of
brothers – and nearby, he saw what the shooting was all about: Nine
cow elk slaughtered and another wounded animal with a shattered
leg, unable to move. Barely alive, it was killed to end its
suffering. “In all my 18 years of wildlife law enforcement,”
Osterland said, “this was far and away the most sickening crime
scene I’ve had to investigate.” At their recent sentencing hearing,
the men received a collective sentence of $23,000 in fines and
restitution, plus 42 years of forfeited hunting privileges. The
charges against them included “wanton destruction of elk,” waste of
game meat and taking more elk than there were hunting tags. Three
of the men pleaded guilty, but one was a hard case, who argued that
since the state wants more cow elk harvested, his offense was
minor. He also said that Wyoming should pass laws or regulations
limiting the number of shots a hunter can fire, as well as setting
“proper shooting distance.”
COLORADO
The caption on the picture in the Denver Post of
fisherman Frank Stack, holding up an 18-pound, 8-ounce
cutthroat-rainbow hybrid trout, noted that the fish with the big
belly had “not missed many meals.” Pulled out of Antero Reservoir,
the trout certainly looked odd: Its girth of 24 inches was only
four inches less than its length. Stack said, “It looks like some
blow-up thing you buy at Target and put under your head as a
pillow.”
WASHINGTON
Attorney Oscar Desper probably didn’t help his client
– accused of assaulting an officer – by blowing his cool
before the judge. During an argument over a plea bargain, Desper
threw a punch that sent the prosecutor “backward into a bailiff,”
reports the Seattle Times. No word on the
client’s sentence, but Desper seems to have gotten off lightly: The
State Bar prohibited the battling attorney from practicing law for
three months and recommended anger management classes.
Betsy Marston is editor of Writers on the Range, a service
of High Country News in Paonia, Colorado. Tips of Western oddities
are always appreciated and often shared in the column, Heard around
the West.
This article appeared in the print edition of the magazine with the headline Heard Around the West.
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