“Quirky” is how the
American Journalism Review describes the
mottos of many newspapers, and in the West,
one of the longer missions is stated by Washington’s
Wenatchee World: “Published in the apple capital
of the world and the buckle of the power belt of the great
Northwest.” An in-your-face message comes from the Aspen
Daily News: “If you don’t want it printed, don’t let it
happen’ – always a good rejoinder after the Police Blotter comes
out. The Mason Valley News in Yerington, Nev.,
boldly stands up for itself as “The only newspaper in the world
that gives a damn about Yerington,” while the Durango
Herald in southern Colorado borrows a 1917 quote from
writer William Allen White to assure readers: “There are three
things that no one can do to the entire satsfaction of anyone else:
make love, poke the fire and run a newspaper.” The
Anderson Valley Advertiser in Boonville, Calif.,
refers to its stories – or perhaps its ads – in its motto: “Fanning
the flames of discontent.” Going farther afield, The Perry
Daily Journal in Oklahoma lays it on the line: “If you
would avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing and be nothing,”
while the Daily Herald in Arlington Heights,
Ill., also revels in frankness. Its aim: “To fear God, tell the
truth and make money.”
It was news to us that
the semen of an elk – once it is removed from a captive animal –
isn’t just semen. It’s given a name, and not just Joe or Bill. When
the male components of elks-to-be were raffled off by the Colorado
Elk and Game Breeders Association in Denver this winter, semen up
for grabs by elk breeders carried monikers like “Stealth” and
“Starwar II,” though another was just plain “Al’s Son.”
Climbers in the
Bureau of Land Management’s magnificent Red Rock
Canyon near Las Vegas, Nev., thought they’d
found a fast way through the desert toward a back canyon. They were
glad to find a route, they told the quarterly,
Mountaineer, because they’d lost the trail
several times. Then, says one climber, “my partner yelled that he
had found a cairn and that we should go in its direction.” But the
cairns led the climbers on an erratic path. Finally, one noticed
something funny about the rock: “It was steaming.” The cairn was
really human waste covered – barely – by rock. The couple concluded
that the whole time they’d been faithfully following the trail of
cairns they were really outlining an informal “designated outdoor
bathroom.”
The Mountaineer shares
another true story of bizarre camping, this
one from somewhere in the Rockies. Out for a night of drinking and
tall-tale swapping, young men from a local town built an enormous
bonfire with logs they’d conveniently found in the forest. In the
morning, the men were awakened by a troop of furious Boy Scouts,
who had spent a week preparing the logs as waterbars to
rehabilitate a trail. That’s not all: The carousers had “left a
huge burnt spot in the middle of a meadow and littered it liberally
with broken beer bottles.” The Mountaineer is
published by the nonprofit group, The Mountaineers, 300 Third Ave.
W, Seattle, WA 98119.
Lacking insurance but not
insouciance, a red fox strolled into a Sun
Valley, Idaho, medical center recently. The Idaho Mountain
Express said the curious animal had almost reached the
emergency room when it was spotted at 6:30 a.m. Workers raised a
ruckus, which frightened the fox; police had to lasso it before
releasing it “just outside the door.”
St. George, Utah, is bracing itself for an
onslaught of Africanized or “killer” bees,
which have already killed 1,000 people around the world as well as
thousands of livestock. The hot-tempered bees were spotted only 37
miles away, in Mesquite, Nev., where they attacked a public-works
employee. The Salt Lake Tribune says a swarm of
20,000-30,000 bees “can launch an attack within seconds’; so far,
bees have killed six people in this country since they entered
Arizona in 1990. St. George has outfitted its firefighters with
low-tech but effective gear: netting for
helmets.
Just as
some rural towns in the West get their first drive-up
liquor and fast-food stores, a town in
California has begun debating whether to outlaw drive-throughs,
reports Santa Rosa’s Press Democrat. Critics say
they contribute to air pollution because cars in line idle their
engines; drive-ups also encourage more development planned around
automobiles.
In
Nome, Alaska, it’s still Christmas, reports
the Anchorage Daily News. A town tradition began
when residents placed their post-Christmas trees on the ice,
dubbing the result “Nome National Forest.” For months the trees sit
– until a spring thaw swallows the green relief
whole.
Portland,
Oregon’s Willamette Week says the state’s Green
Party is girding itself against a sneak
attack from the Transcendental Meditation movement founded by
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. The “Yogi-inspired Natural Law Party”
crashed a Green Party convention in Seattle and came close to
getting their presidential candidate nominated by the group.
Green-pick Ralph Nader defeated the upstart by only five votes.
Since then the political meditators have taken over Reform Party
caucuses in Minnesota, Illinois and Iowa, bumping Pat Buchanan off
the ballot. But Oregon’s Green Party now boasts 5,000 members, says
an organizer, and this time around candidate Nader “may have a
pulse.”
Riding
all-terrain vehicles anytime, anywhere may
feel like a great getaway. But they’re not such a great “getaway
car.” Montana’s Livingston Enterprise reports
that when a prison escapee robbed a bank in Helena and tried to
escape on a stolen ATV, he didn’t get far. Three bank employees
chased the 26-year-old, who was slowed down when his ATV became
entangled in a barbed-wire fence. Despite his three handguns and a
knife, the robber was wrestled to the ground by
police.
Heard around the West invites
readers to get involved in the column. Send any tidbits that merit
sharing – small-town newspaper clips, personal anecdotes, relevant
bumper sticker slogans. The definition remains loose. Heard, HCN,
Box 1090, Paonia, CO 81428 or
betsym@hcn.org.
This article appeared in the print edition of the magazine with the headline Heard around the West.
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