Note: This article is a sidebar to this issue’s feature story.
Camp on right at lower end Rapid – mile 247 with the last bad one above me – the Bad Rapid – Lava Cliff – that I have been looking for – nearly a thousand miles.
I had thought – once past there – my reward will begin – but now – everything ahead seems kind of empty & I find I have already had my reward – in the doing of the thing – the stars & cliffs & canyons – the roar of the rapids – the moon – the uncertainty – worry – the relief when through each one – the campfires at nite – the real respect & friendship of the river men I met & others.
This may be my last camp where the roar of a real rapid is echoed from the cliffs around & I can look at the stars & moon only through a narrow slit in the earth.
The river & Canyons have been kind to me – I think my greatest danger is ahead – that I might get swellheaded over this thing – I am going to try to keep my mouth shut about it – go back to work in the old way & have it only for a memory for myself – I have done no one any good & caused a few people great worry & suffering I know.
I think this river is not treacherous as has been said – Every rapid speaks plainly just what it is & what it will do to a person & a boat in its currents waves boils whirlpools & rocks – if only one will read & listen carefully – It demands respect – & will punish those who do not treat it properly – some places it says – go here safely if you do it just this way – & in others it says – do not go here at all with the type of boat you have – but many people will not believe what it says.
Some people have said “I conquered the Colorado River’ – I don’t say so – It has never been conquered – & never will I think – anyone who it allows to go through its canyons & see its wonders should feel thankful & privileged. …
I know I have got more out of this trip by being alone than if a party was along as I have more time – especially at nite – to listen & look & think & wonder about the natural wonders rather than listen to talk of war politics & football scores.
The River probably thought – he is such a lonesome ignorant unimportant & insignificant pitiful little creature – with such a short time to live that I will let him go this time & try to teach him something – It has not been so kind to many prouder people than I. …
I’m all in a turmoil inside – I know that if I ever expect to have anything or amount to anything I should settle down here and now. But I just naturally don’t seem to be able to – my feet are itchy and I have a desire to go some place – anyplace – perhaps South America on a freighter (as an) ordinary seaman – However it seems as though any place I can think of is just a poor substitute for the River. I’m hoping before too many years I may have a good logical excuse to spend more time there – and I guess I’m not the only one who has felt that way about it.
This article appeared in the print edition of the magazine with the headline From the journals of Buzz Holmstrom.
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